If you always find yourself saying, “all guys want to use me” or “all women are gold diggers”, chances are you’re basing that thinking off of your own negative relationship experiences. You’ve dated so many people who keep treating you the same way that it’s easy to start thinking that “this is just the way it is”.
But the truth is there are great people out there! Despite what your track record might show, there really are kind, wonderful fish in the sea.
(This is the part where you interject and say, “Oh yeah? So then why do I keep ending up with the bad fish?”)
Well, that’s a great question! Why do you?
To understand the answer to that question, you have to identify what all these people you’ve dated have in common so that you can discover what traits to avoid in the future. Here are three practical steps to take TODAY to help you get started.
#1- Your Non-Negotiable List
Make a list of 5 to 10 things that are non-negotiable when it comes to a future partner. What are things that you absolutely must have in a relationship? This is your life! You deserve someone that you can really enjoy it with! This list will help you make sure you find that person. What is important to you? Maybe you desire to share the same faith as the person you marry. Or maybe you are a very active person and you want to be with someone who will go hiking or swimming with you. Maybe you don’t want to have kids. Maybe you do. A drug-free partner should be on your list, of course!
#2- Compare Past Relationships
Make a list of all of your past relationships and find commonalities among them. Where did you meet each partner? What personality traits attracted you to each of them? How did each of them treat you in the beginning? What was the first red flag you noticed in the relationship, and how long had you been dating? And finally, which of your non-negotiable items did each partner not meet?
#3- Analyze the Results
After you identify the negative patterns in your past relationships, you can discover all sorts things about how to find a better partner. Did you meet all of these past partners at the same type of place? It’s time to look somewhere else! It could be that you’re more likely to find a person who shares your heart for public service volunteering at a local charity than at that bar you frequent. So start volunteering! Do you love art? Take an art class! You’re more likely to meet someone who shares your interests at a water color class than by swiping left or right on a dating app.
Do these three things and hold yourself accountable to them, and you’ll put a stop to those negative patterns TODAY. Your life is important. Your dreams and goals matter. And you deserve to have a partner who cares about you!
You can get more tips like these at our free workshop, “How to Avoid Falling for a Jerk(ette)”. To find a workshop near you, click here.